margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
