Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Say something about gay babies.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
