i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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