i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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