i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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