How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
