In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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