D3 body, D1 cock
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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