and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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