His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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