Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
