Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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