I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
