The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
