So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
