Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
