Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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