Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
