That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
