this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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