Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
