Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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