But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
