Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
