$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
