Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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