Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
