she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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