dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
