"it" just moved
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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