I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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