It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
