his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
