Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
