Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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