Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
