Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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