Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
