You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
