Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
