sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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