apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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