somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
