I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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