Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
