Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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