Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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