The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
