dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize