My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
