Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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