OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
