You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
