aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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