If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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