so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize