Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
