I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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