dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
