i just had sex bonerless
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
