omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
