I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
