Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Enjoy the penises
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize