I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
