i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
