Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
