I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
