I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
