she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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