I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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