Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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