i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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