The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
