he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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