My friends, they love my intelligence
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
