thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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