when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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