That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
