i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
