we have pet lesbian snakes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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